Drinking Dutch Coffee
The method of drinking Dutch coffee is an art in itself:
Check that all the necessary components are present: cup of
piping hot coffee; dwarf-sized spoon or stirring stick;
condensed or powdered milk; and sugar.
Support cup in one hand. If a saucer is provided, do not
hold the cup, but grip the saucer as if it were a Frisbee
about to be thrown.
- Add milk to cup to colour (optional).
- Add sugar to cup to taste (optional).
Stir continuously until cool enough to drink. If you use
sugar cubes, pound the lump until dissolved, then stir
vigorously for the remainder of the cooling period. If you
added milk and/or granulated sugar, alternate between
clockwise and counter-clockwise stirring. If you drink your
coffee black, stir however you choose. The important thing
is to stare hypnotically into the cup while you stir.
Remove stirring implement from cup. Tap wet end 2-4 times on
the rim of the cup. This indicates to your colleagues that
you have completed the stirring phase and are about to enter
the drinking phase.
- Return stirring implement to cup.
Hold cup with fingers and thumb diametrically opposed. (If a
saucer is present, do not use the hand holding the Frisbee.)
If the cup has a handle, insert middle two fingers through
the handle. Extend index finger upwards and across the cup
to clamp the stirring implement against the far end of the
cup. This is important as it prevents the thing from
entering your nose in step 9.
Raise cup to mouth and slurp loudly while drinking. After
first slurp, announce “lekkere koffie, hoor!”
'Better to reign in hell than serve in heav'n.'
- John Milton